the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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