so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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