at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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