I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
