I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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