I bet he comes in French.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this is an emotional support booty call
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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