I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
