So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
