it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
