I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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