He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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