Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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