the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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