We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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