omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
