i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
