Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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