I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your cock deserves a montage
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
