I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
