Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
