I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
