If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
