I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
