If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
