I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
