I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you had me at cake vodka
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
