Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
