I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
