i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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