i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
