Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
