Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
