All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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