obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Someone signed my nipple.
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