it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
