hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
