I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
