He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
