how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
