booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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