Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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