Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
