My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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