Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
