Will you blow on my dice?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
