I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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