are you still at the devil's house?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
soo... how was my night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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