he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know her cup size but not her name....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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