You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
