NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
