Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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