i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
