I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
