I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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