So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize