I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
