in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
