im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's always time for handjobs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
