she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
