Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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