I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
