good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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