Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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