it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
