well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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