And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
