What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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