I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
